Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
