It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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