I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
