So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
