I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
