Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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