hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
