This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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