the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm really busy with my period
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