So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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