Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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