I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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