You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
