I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
