Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize