i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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