we have officially lost it.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
