im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
