she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
