I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
