just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
