I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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