Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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