it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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