I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
