you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
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I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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