I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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