I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
