I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.