Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Come see our sink grown plant.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
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He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.