You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.