woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize