at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
