the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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