No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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