Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
