He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
