u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im holly from the hills drunk
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
