Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
