you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just had sex on a roof
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
