I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
