her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just had sex bonerless
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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