If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
