batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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