If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Liz is crying about burritos again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
