i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
