The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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