please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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