We won't sleep together?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
