So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
