Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
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I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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