I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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