Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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