I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
