She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need water and some morals
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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