My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
