It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
