Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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