is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i think i just lost a toe
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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