he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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