Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
