hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
