Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
